Aftertaste

You taught me to seek comfort in the silence you made me hide in. To shut away  the screams  of my better judgment so that you could feel better about yourself. You taught me  to love everyone else before myself. And the horrible part is that i let you.

Sometimes,  situations can break us.  They make us question the most intimate parts of ourselves.  And you’re left wondering If you’re supposed to feel at home In your own body  anymore? Or will it always feel  like you are  a visitor In a house that isn’t familiar. 

I keep telling myself, maybe the next one won’t hurt me so much. But it's a lie. Each hurt  tells you  none of them cared enough to change what scars the ones before  left behind.

Stupid me, thinking that  you wanted me the same way  I wanted you.

I used to see Starlight in your eyes when you looked  at me, until you decided you preferred  the Moon to the Galaxy i was supposed to be your world.

It’s crazy  how intense  something can be.  I didn’t know  that your smile would feel like an anchor tied around my feet.  I wanted to fight it, But instead I drowned in it. 

I thought my heart would be safe in your hands, until I realized  I had given the most private part of me to someone who had  no plans of keeping it  out of the fire.

I'm afraid that one day you're going to wake up, and realise I'm not what you want anymore. And that terrifies me more than anything else.

Did you think you could just use my body like it was your very own play-toy, and expect  there to be no broken parts? I'm not a doll  you can pull   apart over  and  over  again. I will break eventually.

You knew it was wrong to treat me like i was some broken toy you could discard when you outgrew me. but you did it anyways, didn't you?

Stop letting the people who left your life try to come back, all they're going to do Is hurt the parts they couldn't touch before.

I had so much faith that your hands wouldn't drop me,  the same way everyone else's  did. But as i fell through your  fingertips I realized you were all the same. 

I didn't know that loving you meant being chained to the ground at your feet. I should've broken free so long ago.

My hands keep trying to grab the empty space where you used to lay. They spread over the cold bedsheet like spindles and needles searching for the missing fabric of your clothes. And I wonder to myself If you were ever real at all. The more I try to remember what you look like, The only thing I see Is the door That you left wide open Behind you.